Look what came in the post today!!! I passed!! WOO HOOO!!!!
New author website!
10 years ago
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Tact! The Australian Caring way
Three Aussies were working on a high-rise building project - Steve, Bruce and Bluey.
Steve falls off and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."
Bluey says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Fosters.
Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Bluey?"
"Steve's wife gave it to me," Bluey replies.
"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?"
"Well not exactly," Bluey says. "When she answered the door, I said to her,'You must be Steve's widow'.
She said, 'No, I'm not a widow.'
And I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Fosters you are'."
Steve falls off and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."
Bluey says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Fosters.
Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Bluey?"
"Steve's wife gave it to me," Bluey replies.
"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?"
"Well not exactly," Bluey says. "When she answered the door, I said to her,'You must be Steve's widow'.
She said, 'No, I'm not a widow.'
And I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Fosters you are'."
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Saturday, August 27, 2005
TOP 16 COUNTRY SONGS
TOP 16 COUNTRY SONGS
16. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed Your Ass Out
All Day Long
15. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
14. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
13. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
12. I Liked You Better Before I Got to Know You So Well
11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better
10. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
9. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight
8. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like You're Still Here
7. If I Had Shot You When I First Wanted To, I'd Be Out Of Prison
By Now
6. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him
5. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
4. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
3. Her Teeth Was Stained But Her Heart Was Pure
2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer
And the Number one song is. . . . .
1. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With Ugly Women, but I've Sure Woke
Up With A Few
16. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed Your Ass Out
All Day Long
15. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
14. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
13. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
12. I Liked You Better Before I Got to Know You So Well
11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better
10. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
9. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight
8. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like You're Still Here
7. If I Had Shot You When I First Wanted To, I'd Be Out Of Prison
By Now
6. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him
5. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
4. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
3. Her Teeth Was Stained But Her Heart Was Pure
2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer
And the Number one song is. . . . .
1. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With Ugly Women, but I've Sure Woke
Up With A Few
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
competition
I need help...this is Dejavu!...I am sure we have done this
choose a word,any word,change one letter and give it a new and hopefully amusing new meaning and I havetill saterday to enter it and win a bottle of champers...I promise to share the bottle....lol...Orlando Trilogy magnum
choose a word,any word,change one letter and give it a new and hopefully amusing new meaning and I havetill saterday to enter it and win a bottle of champers...I promise to share the bottle....lol...Orlando Trilogy magnum
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Housefire phoon..you'll have to excuse my appearance..it was about 150 degrees yesterday afternoon and it was a big big house. The house was completely destroyed as we had to go at it in defense mode.
Lightening strike was the cause..(I know it's a terrible pose, I'm still working on perfecting it). I'm soaked to the skin...
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Pierce Brosnan Out As James Bond, 007
Pierce Brosnan Out As James Bond, 007
By Associated Press
NEW YORK - A single, surprising phone call and it was over. That's how Pierce Brosnan says he learned that his services as James Bond would no longer be required.
"One phone call, that's all it took!" the 52-year-old actor tells Entertainment Weekly magazine in its Aug. 19 issue.
Brosnan starred in four Bond films. He says that before they stopped negotiations, the producers had invited him back for a fifth time.
"You know, the movie career for me really started with Bond," says Brosnan, acknowledging that by the time "GoldenEye" premiered in 1995, he was already 42.
He then starred as 007 in "Tomorrow Never Dies" (1997), "The World Is Not Enough" (1999) and "Die Another Day" (2002).
His departure from the role was a "titanic jolt to the system," says Brosnan, followed by "a great sense of calm."
"I thought. ... I can do anything I want to do now. I'm not beholden to them or anyone. I'm not shackled by some contracted image. So there was a sense of liberation."
Brosnan says he's grateful to have had the role, but adds: "It never felt real to me. I never felt I had complete ownership over Bond. Because you'd have these stupid one-liners _ which I loathed _ and I always felt phony doing them."
He plays a foulmouthed, skirt-chasing hit man in the upcoming film "The Matador."
"(For this) to come on the heels of my departure from the world of Bond is sweet grace, to play this one as a farewell to that chapter in time _ it certainly wasn't planned."
So, who do you think should be the new James Bond?
Brad Pitt, Ralph Fiennes, Bruce Willis, Val Kimmner to name a few.
By Associated Press
NEW YORK - A single, surprising phone call and it was over. That's how Pierce Brosnan says he learned that his services as James Bond would no longer be required.
"One phone call, that's all it took!" the 52-year-old actor tells Entertainment Weekly magazine in its Aug. 19 issue.
Brosnan starred in four Bond films. He says that before they stopped negotiations, the producers had invited him back for a fifth time.
"You know, the movie career for me really started with Bond," says Brosnan, acknowledging that by the time "GoldenEye" premiered in 1995, he was already 42.
He then starred as 007 in "Tomorrow Never Dies" (1997), "The World Is Not Enough" (1999) and "Die Another Day" (2002).
His departure from the role was a "titanic jolt to the system," says Brosnan, followed by "a great sense of calm."
"I thought. ... I can do anything I want to do now. I'm not beholden to them or anyone. I'm not shackled by some contracted image. So there was a sense of liberation."
Brosnan says he's grateful to have had the role, but adds: "It never felt real to me. I never felt I had complete ownership over Bond. Because you'd have these stupid one-liners _ which I loathed _ and I always felt phony doing them."
He plays a foulmouthed, skirt-chasing hit man in the upcoming film "The Matador."
"(For this) to come on the heels of my departure from the world of Bond is sweet grace, to play this one as a farewell to that chapter in time _ it certainly wasn't planned."
So, who do you think should be the new James Bond?
Brad Pitt, Ralph Fiennes, Bruce Willis, Val Kimmner to name a few.
Monday, August 15, 2005
Why We can never win
Concentrate and stay focused
WIFE:
What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
HUSBAND:
Definitely not!
WIFE:
Why not - don't you like being married?
HUSBAND:
Of course I do.
WIFE:
Then why wouldn't you remarry?
HUSBAND:
Okay, I'd get married again.
WIFE:
You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).
HUSBAND:
(makes audible groan).
WIFE:
Would you live in our house?
HUSBAND:
Sure, it's a great house.
WIFE:
Would you sleep with her in our bed?
HUSBAND:
Where else would we sleep?
WIFE:
Would you let her drive my car?
HUSBAND:
Probably, it is almost new.
WIFE:
Would you replace my pictures with hers?
HUSBAND:
That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WIFE:
Would she use my golf clubs?
HUSBAND:
No, she's left-handed.
WIFE:
- - silence - -
HUSBAND:
F**k
WIFE:
What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
HUSBAND:
Definitely not!
WIFE:
Why not - don't you like being married?
HUSBAND:
Of course I do.
WIFE:
Then why wouldn't you remarry?
HUSBAND:
Okay, I'd get married again.
WIFE:
You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).
HUSBAND:
(makes audible groan).
WIFE:
Would you live in our house?
HUSBAND:
Sure, it's a great house.
WIFE:
Would you sleep with her in our bed?
HUSBAND:
Where else would we sleep?
WIFE:
Would you let her drive my car?
HUSBAND:
Probably, it is almost new.
WIFE:
Would you replace my pictures with hers?
HUSBAND:
That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WIFE:
Would she use my golf clubs?
HUSBAND:
No, she's left-handed.
WIFE:
- - silence - -
HUSBAND:
F**k
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Sunday, July 31, 2005
Seafair
Today July 30th is the beginning of the final week of Seattle’s big summer celebration, Seafair.
The Torchlight Parade is the official kick off to the final week. It consist of Floats illuminated by Christmas lights, marching bands, mounted horse patrols, Seafair Pirates, Seafair Clowns and Unlimited Hydroplanes being pulled on trailers through the streets of Seattle.
All trough the final week, the Unlimited Hydroplanes test out and qualify on Lake Washington for next Sunday’s Seafair Gold Cup Race, which is the grand finale to Seafair. Also during the week the Navy’s Blue Angels acrobatic team of F-18 Hornets practices their routine for their Air Show on Saturday and Sunday. Many people who live along the shores of Lake Washington, hate the noise that the Blue Angels make as they fly over their houses.
There are many other community Parades, Carnival, music, arts and crafts shows that start out in early July, that lead up to the final week of Seafair.
Seafair began as a plan to celebrate Seattle’s centennial in 1951-52. The festival was designed to attract tourists and stress marine events in keeping with Seattle’s boast as the "boating capital of the world."
The Hydroplanes reach speeds of 160.32 mph (258.01 kph) and can flip when too much air gets under the boat, which has proven fatal on many occasions. Some famous winning Hydroplanes are: Slo-mo-shun IV,
Gale V, Miss Thriftway, Hawaii Kai III, Maverick, Miss Bardahl (The Green Dragon), Miss Century 21, Tahoe Miss, My Gypsy, Miss US, Atlas Van Line, Circus Circus, and Miss Budweiser to name a few.
As a kid, my friends and I would fashion crude Hydroplanes from wood. We would tie a string to them and drag them behind our bikes in a race. I don’t remember if I won any of the races. Some times we would run down to Stan Sayer’s pit on Lake Washington, and look at the Hydroplanes and collect souvenir pins, banners, photos and stickers.
History of Seafair
http://www.seafair.com/x566.asp
Hydroplane Museum
http://www.thunderboats.org/
The Torchlight Parade is the official kick off to the final week. It consist of Floats illuminated by Christmas lights, marching bands, mounted horse patrols, Seafair Pirates, Seafair Clowns and Unlimited Hydroplanes being pulled on trailers through the streets of Seattle.
All trough the final week, the Unlimited Hydroplanes test out and qualify on Lake Washington for next Sunday’s Seafair Gold Cup Race, which is the grand finale to Seafair. Also during the week the Navy’s Blue Angels acrobatic team of F-18 Hornets practices their routine for their Air Show on Saturday and Sunday. Many people who live along the shores of Lake Washington, hate the noise that the Blue Angels make as they fly over their houses.
There are many other community Parades, Carnival, music, arts and crafts shows that start out in early July, that lead up to the final week of Seafair.
Seafair began as a plan to celebrate Seattle’s centennial in 1951-52. The festival was designed to attract tourists and stress marine events in keeping with Seattle’s boast as the "boating capital of the world."
The Hydroplanes reach speeds of 160.32 mph (258.01 kph) and can flip when too much air gets under the boat, which has proven fatal on many occasions. Some famous winning Hydroplanes are: Slo-mo-shun IV,
Gale V, Miss Thriftway, Hawaii Kai III, Maverick, Miss Bardahl (The Green Dragon), Miss Century 21, Tahoe Miss, My Gypsy, Miss US, Atlas Van Line, Circus Circus, and Miss Budweiser to name a few.
As a kid, my friends and I would fashion crude Hydroplanes from wood. We would tie a string to them and drag them behind our bikes in a race. I don’t remember if I won any of the races. Some times we would run down to Stan Sayer’s pit on Lake Washington, and look at the Hydroplanes and collect souvenir pins, banners, photos and stickers.
History of Seafair
http://www.seafair.com/x566.asp
Hydroplane Museum
http://www.thunderboats.org/
Thursday, July 28, 2005
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